Attention chaos

The signs do not stop rolling in his imagination, this time with death as a choice of survival, that he goes to die of his own free will, wearing a coat filled with stones and throwing himself into the river in the style of "Virginia Woolf." "Oh, but my reading experiences with it are bad... Damn the translation. It is the biggest betrayal of the text, and also what will the men of my tribe say about me as I follow in the footsteps of a woman." He pushes the idea out of his head and thinks about joining an opposition party and facilitating the task of arresting him. Then he asks to be executed while reciting his lamentation poem in the style of "Lorca," muttering: "I will not die as a traitor to my country...it is my destiny." He wakes up from previous thoughts of igniting another spark of death by shooting a bullet in his little head and blowing it up, following the approach of Ernest Hemingway, but every time he discovers that he is still clinging to life more. He searched for ways to end with less pain and more hope. He thought about burying his books and making a grave for them, embroidering on its headstone the honor of what he wrote, but he was too weak to bear living in a funeral, and he could dig up the grave and bring his lines back to life. His mind, swollen with ideas, incites him to step boldly, and breathes into his veins the project of extermination, and whispers to him: "Abu Hayyan al-Tawhidi" is not more capable than you, and "Ibrahim Shehbi," forgotten in his fields, is not braver than you. He used that whispering voice. He collected some of his books and climbed the mountain. He shouted to his companions, "Today our wild catch will be roasted in a cultural fire."